Years ago, when word started spreading round that a live-action Pokemon movie was finally being made, and it turned out to be a Detective Pikachu film of all things, everyone quickly came together to unanimously agree there was only one person who could play the titular electric mouse: Danny DeVito. Of course, ultimately the role went to Ryan Reynolds, who inflicted his usual sarcastic charm upon the character delivering a genuinely funny film. I’m sure like me many of you are still bitter that the Always Sunny in Philadelphia actor didn’t get the role, but dear reader, I wish to inspire new hope into your hearts.
Last week the iconic actor spoke with The Movie Dweeb in an interview promoting his latest film, Poolman, where he was asked about the possibility of playing none other than Wario in a future Super Mario Bros Movie sequel. “You never know what happens in the world, I’m up for a lot of things,” DeVito responded, continuing, “you know I’m ready to do a lot of things, so whatever’s coming, you know I look at, see, I evaluate, I mean you know… let them know, you should tell them that I’m going to take them to the cleaners but that I should be in the movie.”
Yeah, sure, you can call me basic for wanting the obvious choice here, but I don’t care, DeVito is just consistently a joy to watch in anything he’s in, and you know there would be no one better than him to play Wario. But this also raises an important question – what about other classic Mario characters? Who is the Waluigi to Danny DeVito’s Wario? The Daisy to Anya Taylor-Joy’s Peach? Is there anyone that could truly capture Yoshi’s gravitas? I don’t know if I have all the answers, but at the very least here’s who I’d pick for some of these popular Mario characters (though I doubt all of them will even end up in future films).
Waluigi – Tim Robinson
To me, Wario is a foolish yet highly experienced kind of character – how else would he be able to make so much money? So to balance that, I think you’d need a Waluigi that could exude a naivete towards the world, and I can’t think of anyone better than I Think You Should Leave’s Tim Robinson. He’s got the comedy chops sorted, obviously, but many of his characters in his sketch show, and in other media too, don’t ever feel like they’re totally conscious of what’s going on around them, a trait I think would be perfect for someone like Waluigi.
Yoshi – Robert Pattinson
Now, hey, hang on, hear me out for a second! Robbie P? As Yoshi? Absolutely! For one, I think this would induce as much hysteria as the initial announcement that Chris Pratt was playing Mario, but I also genuinely think he could do it. Pattinson’s performance as the Heron from Studio Ghibli’s The Boy and the Heron is him going full weirdo mode, and I think you need that for a tax evader like Yoshi. There aren’t many live-action actors that really give it their all in vocal performances, but I can trust Edward himself to do Yoshi right.
Princess Daisy – Zendaya
Look, I’ll be honest, this one just feels like an inevitability. I truly don’t know who else could play Daisy. She’s a big name, she’s done voice work before, she is Meechee, she is Daisy. I put this here for posterity’s sake, so I can point to this and say “called it” to win internet points, or whatever the kid’s say these days.
Bowser Jr. – Some up and coming child actor you’ve never heard of who’s suddenly in everything
Our favourite terrible child has to be voiced by an actual one, right? I think it’s the most natural decision, but there aren’t really that many famous child actors these days, it’s more like you have a kid that’s in everything for a bit, then you don’t see them for a while, and next thing you know they’re a teenager/ young adult with a new lease on their career thanks to nepotism/ a really good agent. Either that or they’ll just get Jack Black’s actual kid.
Who knows if DeVito will actually end up as Wario or not, the cast of the movie kind of blindsided us all when it was announced, and it would start to overwhelm the series with Always Sunny in Philadelphia stars. But, much like how we all once did with Detective Pikachu, we can at least dream about a DeVito take on Wario.